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Suffering, for the birds?
.
This suffering is for the
birds (gosh I wouldn't even wish this on them). I don't like
having fever and discomfort and pain and stomach upset and not being able to
eat. (remember, I like the fork..... spoon.... etc) And this
weekend of seemingly unending fever... which came totally unexpected and
has stayed well beyond welcome..... this brought feelings of "how in the
world can I do this alone? I can't do this... I
just wanta get OUT of this body.?"
And as I felt bad
and questions arose, I worried about my faith... where was it?
where was the Lord? where was all the strength I felt the first
round of chemo and the crisis of facing this initially. I felt my
"flesh and my heart failing...." Psalm 73:26.
Thankfully, the rest of
the story is that the rest of that verse is true... "God is the strength
of my heart and my portion forever. "
Today, as the fever left
for a while - and I spent time in the Word and with the Lord.
(faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God) I began to
realize in a whole new way the truth of that verse.
Yes, my heart and my flesh
was failing... such is the human state of things... yes, sickness makes
it hard. And yes, my faith didn't seem present.
BUT, and there is a big
BUT here (in fact it's in the verse itself) "BUT GOD, IS the
strength of my heart and my portion." He sent people all
weekend to help me through the times... to feed me and walk Psalty and care
and counsel and hold my hand and hug me and put a wet rag on my head and
heating pad on my stomach and help me very menial tasks. HE sent
them -- HE was continually with me....
And then this morn I
sensed Him reminding me about the story of Peter when Satan demanded to
sift him like wheat. But Jesus told him: "Simon, I have
prayed for you that your faith may not fail...." The Lord
reminded me that indeed, even though I felt that my faith was failing
throughout the episode of these "new, unexpected and unwelcome"
developments, that He Himself had been indeed praying for me through it all
that my faith would not fail.
WHAT a comfort that
was and is. Jesus Himself praying for me that my faith would not fail.
I just had to weep because I was once again reminded of II Tim 2:13 "If
we are faithless, He remains faithful; for He cannot deny himself."
(This verse has comforted me over and over since Pete Hammond shared it with
me in the USM student union my first year as a new believer as he helped me
learn the baby steps in God's Word and stayed constant in helping me know God
was still there.)
So friends, once again the
Lord proves faithful. And my heart has been strengthened.
I suppose I could say
I hate suffering. But, I love the resurrection part that is invariable
because God is faithful and true and BECAUSE Jesus has conquered the power of
death. Acts 2:24 "And God raised Him up again, putting an end
to the agony of death, since it was impossible for Him to be held in its
power."
He suffered...
and even embraced the suffering. yet His suffering could
NOT do anything less than to set His people free.... and then break the
power of death forever.
God has chosen this path
for me. And that path I embrace. With thanksgiving that He may use
it to further the work of the resurrection power in the work of His Kingdom.
Once again, it is the prayers of the saints that make the difference.
What jewels they are to my heart.
You can reach us by e-mail: linda@nehemiahmusic.org
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